Days like these …

We have both been ill with some kind of bug for the past couple of days. Joanne had a really high temperature this morning which worried me so I told her to stick an ice cold bottle of water under her armpit and keep out of the duvet until I came back from the shops (I know, Nurse Rached could learn a thing or two from me!).

We’ve been having such a good time that sometimes I forget what Joanne has been through. She’s been very stoic but I think things have got the better of her today. She’s not well and her psoriasis is playing up and I can see her heart is hurting so much. I don’t really know how to help her, so trying to be practical about food and self-care is all I can think of to do. You see, my lovely friend is still grieving and though our photos and videos may show us laughing and acting daft, what they don’t reveal is the pain and guilt Joanne shows everytime she catches herself having a good time. Jo talks about Michael every day. Her love for him, and those moments of profound sadness that she thinks I can’t see have quietly defined this holiday. She has absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. I hate guilt. It’s a stupid, pointless emotion that is robbing my already bereft friend of any semblance of happiness. She still has the rest of her life to live and deserves to be happy but some days, days like these, I  just don’t seem to be able to convince her of this.